Summary: Not all emotional reactions signal instability. Context and pattern matter. When volatility is genuine, calm consistency works best. It’s important to give people room to feel what they’re feeling, stay focused on the substance of the conversation and set boundaries you’re prepared to stick to.
When we speak about emotionally unstable people, it is important to recognise that this is a scale, where some people are slightly emotional in visible ways and others may be extremely emotional in how they respond across situations.
This requires careful observation in practice: when somebody is angry, it does not necessarily mean they are emotionally unstable, it may simply be a human reaction to a specific trigger or context.
When the behaviour repeats itself and if we consistently see the same intensity, the same difficulty in regulation and similar reactions across different moments we might address it as a pattern.
When you find yourself constantly on edge, trying to avoid saying or doing anything that might upset them and adjusting your behaviour to accommodate their mood, it’s exhausting. So how do you deal with this kind of behaviour?
1. Allow the emotion
Sometimes, releasing emotions is just a form of communication. People may need to express what they’re feeling to be understood, to relieve stress or to just get it out of their system.
These emotional waves are usually temporary, typically lasting a few minutes but repressing them can make things worse.
Let them cry, let them be angry. Be very mindful of boundaries but let it happen, give this person space for the emotion to exist.
If you remain calm and do not become unsettled yourself, you signal that you recognise their reaction as normal human behaviour, and the situation is more likely to settle and de-escalate.
Be very mindful of boundaries but let it happen, give this person space for the emotion to exist
2. Offer help
You can offer your support by asking if there’s anything you can do for them. They may not respond immediately, or they might choose to open up about their situation.
It’s important to be there for them in a way that suits their needs. They may even ask for some space by requesting you to leave the room for a while, and respecting this boundary is also a way to help.
3. Use your body language
Using your body language effectively can make a big difference in how you connect with others. Leaning in slightly shows interest, while giving space helps the other person relax, and a slight head tilt signals care without threat.
At the same time, keep your posture steady and upright without shrinking, so your body shows that you remain grounded and are not easily overpowered.
4. Focus on the content, not the emotion
Emotions can be distracting, but don’t let them throw you off. Stay focused on your message and if needed continue repeating what you want to say until it’s understood.
Be patient, as it may take time for the other person to be receptive to listening. If emotions become overwhelming, consider rescheduling the conversation to ensure effective communication.
5. Don’t do it alone
Sometimes we think we must solve it all. But know that you are not alone.
Inform your colleagues and make sure everything is done by the book. Asking for help or having someone present during a conversation can make the discussion feel more neutral and professional, which can lead to better communication and problem solving.
It’s important to be there for them in a way that suits their needs
6. Know the rules and document incidents
If people cross a line, you can hold them accountable for their actions based on company policies. Knowing the policies helps in resolving conflicts or disputes effectively and fairly.
It’s also important to keep a record of what is happening. You can email yourself or jot it down in your diary. Ensure your notes are specific, detailing concerning behaviour or incidents.
Include the place, time, and specific behaviour observed. For example: when I raised a performance concern, the team member shouted, slammed their fist on the table, and shouted: “You’re so full of yourself, you think you’re better than everyone, but you’re just a pathetic excuse for a manager”.
7. Communicate assertively and be consistent
Some people can handle more than others. When it comes to emotions, be clear about what is important to you and what you are comfortable with and express your boundaries in a respectful and direct way using “I” statements.
For example: “I really want to listen to you to understand what is going on, but if you are crying, I can’t follow you and there is no conversation possible”. Or: “Thank you for your feedback. However, I do not want to be yelled at. Please lower your voice”.
Once you have established your boundaries, stick to them consistently and do not yield under pressure. For example: “I want to give you the space to express your emotions, but this is not constructive for the project. Let’s focus on solutions”.
By enforcing your boundaries, you send a clear message to colleagues and team members about what is acceptable, creating more clarity and a respectful working environment.
Once you have established your boundaries, stick to them consistently and do not yield under pressure
Clarity, boundaries and communication
When working with an emotionally unstable colleague, it’s important to stay calm and maintain your composure.
You can show empathy and understanding but avoid taking on their emotional burdens and demands.
Clearly define and stick to your personal and professional boundaries. Use direct and clear communication to avoid misunderstandings. If necessary, make sure to involve a supervisor to help manage the situation.
Stay safe and maintain your sanity.
Actionable insights
- Emotional intensity exists on a spectrum: only repeated, consistent patterns of dysregulated behaviour should be treated as a concern, not isolated emotional reactions.
- Stay calm and don’t absorb the emotion: allow people to express feelings without escalating or mirroring their emotional state.
- Set and maintain clear boundaries: communicate what is acceptable behaviour using calm, direct “I” statements and remain consistent.
- Use structure and support systems: don’t handle situations alone. Involve colleagues, follow policies and document incidents with specific details.
- Focus on behaviour and solutions, not emotion: keep conversations grounded in content, redirect when needed and reschedule if emotions block productive dialogue.
Did you find this article useful? Read: Before the breakdown: How to spot burnout before crisis
