The movie “Made in Dagenham” may not be completely accurate in its depiction of the actual event in 1968 when the women at the Dagenham Ford plant went on strike, but close attention to the scene of the final negotiation with labour minister at the time, Barbara Castle can teach women a valuable lesson in effective negotiation skills.

When asked to pick metaphors for the process of negotiating, men pick things like "winning a ballgame" and a "wrestling match," while women will liken negotiating to "going to the dentist." Women are also more pessimistic about how much is available when they do negotiate and so they typically ask for and get less when they do negotiate—on average, 30 percent less than men.

There are some well-known stereotypes that women cannot negotiate as well as men: that women are not as aggressive, that they take things too personally, or that they are not taken seriously. Many women are extremely successful when negotiating contracts, or on behalf of someone else. Yet it’s a different story, with different outcomes altogether when they negotiate for themselves. Of course, there are women who do not fit these stereotypes.  But they are in the minority.

A recent conversation with a friend who is a Board-level director revealed that, of all the women she has hired over the years for management roles, not one negotiated her salary or the terms of her contract, whereas men always negotiated. It was important to the men, in her experience, to secure even a small concession or advantage over and above the initial offer.

The book “Women Don’t Ask” by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever cites numerous studies which show that women often do not ask for what they want, and are far more likely than men to simply accept what they are offered, particularly when it comes to recognition or reward for themselves. 

In part this explains the continuing gender gap in pay. Starting salaries of a man and a woman where the man earns £50,00 more per annum (because he negotiates) over 38 years, with 3% rises for both each year, would end with a £15,000 gap between their salaries when they are 60. That may not seem like an enormous difference, but because the man will have been making more over the 38 years, his extra earnings would total £361,171.  If he had simply banked the extra earnings at 3% interest, he would have £568,834 more than the woman.

So why is it that women find negotiating so hard?  Some of the main reasons are:

1. Women worry more then men about the impact of asking for too much on the relationship with the other party
2. They worry about being seen as either “impractical” or “selfish”
3. They worry more about being told “No” and the implications of this on surrounding personal or business circumstances 
4. They tend to take it more personally when the negotiation doesn’t go their way
5. They underestimate their own worth – a lot. This makes them undermine themselves in their expectations, their mental attitude and communication approach.
6. They underestimate the potential “pot” available
7. They tend to ask for things indirectly, and in an unconfident manner. This extends to letters and emails as well. I was shocked recently when I read an email a friend had written to follow up a job interview. This extremely experienced and highly capable financial expert had undermined herself in almost every sentence – including the way she presented her financial expectations.

What helps women to negotiate more successfully? 

1. Prepare well, and in detail.  Invest time in researching and understanding the entire scope of the situation.  Network; talk to people (both men and women) who have additional knowledge or insights about the situation, and/or similar negotiations.
2. Cultivate a robust, resilient, matter-of-fact mental attitude.  If you are negotiating a business deal this is usually easier to do.  If you are negotiating for yourself, it helps to work out what you would say and the deal you would put forward on behalf of a friend or a protégé with your experience, skills, capabilities and potential.  Then use those terms and figures.
3. Raise your expectations, and then work out several possible scenarios and how you would deal with each one. 
4. Gather evidence and consider alternatives to present in the event of objections or obstacles.Use powerful, positive language, concise words and phrases (stating what you want clearly) and an assertive manner in communicating with the other party – in person, by telephone and in writing.  
5. Remember that body language speaks volumes too.

Most women use weaker language, phraseology and vocal intonation than they think! And they can’t recognise it until they see and hear it for themselves, as a third party. Most say “I can’t believe I sound so weak and unsure of myself”. This is why Rapporta training and coaching  includes filming job-related scenarios  to help women realise exactly how they come across. This serves preparation for “the real thing” and as a basis for comparison in learning how to strike the right balance.

It is entirely possible to be assertive, get more of what you want, and at the same time hold onto values such as courtesy, professionalism and retaining one’s femininity.

The main character in Made in Dagenham proves this. You can and should be extremely pleasant and courteous, whilst still demonstrating strength of character and purpose — and asking for what you want in clear language, with no apology.

A final question:  what can HR Leaders do to help, and do they really want to?  Does it inadvertently “help” HR for women to remain timid in negotiating, because they are less likely to ask for increases in salary or negotiate a higher starting rate? Or does it work against them, creating a disgruntled female workforce and a gender-based wage disparity when HR seeks to create equality?

If women improve their negotiation skills, employers will have to pay them more.  But considering the cost if they leave more than justifies paying them more to stay. 

With the right training and skills development, women can become excellent negotiators HR would be well served to help women employees develop their negotiation skills and confidence through dedicated development programmes. 

Mary-Louise Angoujard is Managing Director at Rapporta