The Couch?! is amused to hear that bosses haven’t evolved as much as is commonly believed from our roots in primitive ancestry – indeed when we look at the David Brents of the world it can be believed.
Recruitment outfit Office Angels quizzed 1,500 office workers and revealed that 93% of UK managers can be squeezed, cajoled and persuaded into one of five and not always so cuddly types: The Seagull, Diplomat, Invisible Manager, Hedgehog and Gate Keeper.
Whilst the invisible manager is never there when you need him, the gate keeper keeps a tight reign over his staff. The diplomat is always available to soothe disputes, and the seagull and hedgehog apparently display the traits of their namesake – seagull bosses tend to fly into situations without knowing the background, swoop into the office and squawk out orders which often ruffles a few feathers, while hedgehog leaders can be a thorn in your side.
This got us thinking about the potential impact of having a manager with wings or prickles:
- The seagull: like its namesake it can be a nuisance and cause damage to its natural environment – flapping its wings in exasperation of another missed deadline and defecating openly as a sign that all is not well and an appraisal is approaching.
- The invisible boss: out of sight out of mind? Or ideally placed for some HR sleuthing – knocking off early does not go unnoticed – think Moaning Myrtle – the ghost that knew more about the goings on in Hogwarts then J K Rowling
- The hedgehog: curls into a ball whenever anyone comes too close, which isn’t very helpful when he’s the boss. Getting him on your side is easy though: leave out a saucer of milk, and he’ll be yours forever.
- The gate keeper: stands at the doorway and demands everyone answer a series of riddles before they can enter. This results in most employees spending the morning in the corridor scratching their heads.
- The Diplomat: spends all day trying to mediate punch-ups over who gets the last chocolate digestive and who should make the tea. He isn’t very popular because most employees enjoy watching the daily fist fight.*
*Disclaimer: The Couch?! team are all very well trained and love nothing more than making hundreds of cups of tea for their adoring fellow employees.