The challenge
A team manager at a law firm asks:
“I am a manager in a family-run firm of lawyers. I joined the company a year ago and my first impression was that everyone was really nice. However, since then, I’ve noticed that lots of comments are made about my age and perceived lack of experience.
“It is true that I am a lot younger than many of the other team members, most of whom have worked at the company for many years. But these factors are frequently used to invalidate any suggestions that I have. I’m at a loss to what to do and am thinking of leaving.”
The solution
The Living Leader replies:
If you simply leave without taking any action to challenge the current situation, you are giving away all of your power. But this scenario could have longer-term consequences on your confidence and your beliefs and attitudes towards older, and perhaps more experienced, colleagues in future.
It is worth bearing in mind that what you focus on tends to grow. Once we notice something that irritates us, we begin to look for it and, guess what? We spot it more and more often and stop noticing if the opposite occurs.
So my first question is, are you sure that all of your suggestions are being invalidated or are you just noticing occasional times when they are?
You mentioned that initially you thought everyone was really nice. So have you spoken to your colleagues about the fact that they frequently comment about your age and lack of experience?
They may actually think that they are helping your development and not realise the negative impact that they are having. But you could also use the opportunity as a chance to explain the breadth of your experience and what you feel you could contribute to the team.
If on reflection, you believe that some of your ideas have actually been well received, it may be helpful to explain just how differently it made you feel when this happened.
Ultimately, if this approach does not result in the desired changes to your colleagues’ behaviour, of course you do have the choice of leaving. But you also have the option to state clearly that their actions are unacceptable – and actually unlawful. And if nothing changes, you can always choose to take legal action.
Emma Littmoden is a partner at leadership programme provider, The Living Leader.
