"It’s when you say it’s over 29 years ago you start to panic"

All the talk of exam results today led me to tweet the above. However this isn’t a blog about age, panic, starting or taking action  – although I could certainly write at length on any of these. It’s also not about arithmetic even if I do keep checking that the 29 is correct. Since I took Maths A level that long ago I can assure you it’s correct. No this blog is about saying ‘you’ when you really mean ‘I’. After all it’s not you saying it’s over 29 yrs ago is it? and it’s certainly not you panicing either.

Before you read anymore I’d like you to stop and just observe people in conversation for the next few hours and then come back here. I’d like you to specifically observe the use of ‘you’ and what they really mean when they say it? If you’re working from home today interviews on the TV are as good a place as any to watch and listen (even David Cameron did it the other day)……..

……. how did you get on? What did you notice?

It’s so easy to stop using I and say you instead – you start to speak and out come the words, you don’t mean it but it just happens and you’re not even aware you’re doing it. You start to explain to others how you’re feeling and start to tell a story and suddenly you’re using you instead of I. You might be at work or with a client or simply watching TV and they’re doing it too.

I’m not sure if it’s a result of the downturn but I have recently noticed more people slipping into this way of communicating. I’m unsure it has much impact on the listener but it certainly has a huge impact on the speaker. As the speaker just compare the meaning of the previous paragraph with the next one:

I start to speak and out come the words, I don’t mean it but it just happens and I’m not even aware I’m doing it. I start to explain to others how I’m feeling and start to tell a story and suddenly I’m using you instead of I. I might be at work or with a client or simply watching TV and they’re doing it too.

Just imagine if you’re talking about a real issue or challenge and your language is littered with you’s. It makes a HUGE difference on the ability to take ownership for an issue and find the solution.

If you’d like to join me let’s all try to use I more often and notice what we notice as a result. If we can do so kindly bring other people’s attention to their use of you too. We might just find we resolve our issues more quickly.