How do you feel when someone doesn’t look you in the eye?
It’s amazing what people read into poor eye contact. Peoples’ perceptions may differ but they all have one thing in common – they’re all negative … they’re all bad.
Here are some of the comments I get on my confidence building courses – they tell you what people think about people with poor eye contact:
- “They don’t believe in what they say”
- “They don’t know what they’re talking about”
- “They look shifty and untrustworthy”
- “They aren’t interested in the audience”
- “They look nervous”
- “They look as though they lack self-confidence”.
So, what’s your eye contact like? If you’re like most people, you’re probably not sure … so it’s worth finding out. That’s because it really can make a big difference to the way people perceive you, both socially and at work.
The good news is that it’s not difficult to improve your eye contact – the bad news is that it takes practice and a significant amount of self-discipline. There are simple things you can do though.
A natural thing to do
Have the confidence to take a moment to look the person in the eye just before you speak. You might have to force yourself to do this if you don’t feel comfortable with it – it’s a natural thing to do, there’s nothing odd about it. Looking the person in the eye sends the message that you’re not frightened and you’re in control.
It’s also a great way of commanding immediate attention if you’re speaking to a group – take a moment to look around the audience and engage eye contact with some of them. Without even saying anything, you’ll send the message ‘I’m ready and I’m confident.’
They’ll see this and if there’s a hubbub of general conversation going on, they’ll soon stop if you cast your eyes around for a few seconds. If possible, don’t start talking until there’s complete silence.
Try to look at people while you’re actually speaking. If you’re in a small group, try to look at each person regularly. Try to find the balance; you shouldn’t hold your eye contact for too long because you’ll make the person feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, you do need to hold it for long enough to make ‘contact’.
I rarely meet people who are naturally good at this. The majority have to work hard at it to get it right. It’s worth it though because, once you’ve cracked it, you’ll see a huge difference in the way people respond to you and perceive you.
Good eye contact tells the person or group that you’re aware, you know what you’re talking about and you care.
The key to making this work is to prepare yourself.
So try to make sure that next time you’re with a person or a group in a situation that matters to you, you remind yourself just before it happens that good eye contact could well be the difference between success and failure.
Mike McClement is founder and director of Training Hand’s Think Confidence.
We welcome any and all contributions from the community, so please feel free to share your views and opinions with us, your colleagues and peers via our blogs section.
