To get what you want or need, you have to be willing to ask for it.
I am sure that whoever replaces Antony Jenkins as CEO of Barclays will ask for what they want when they assume the position. The chairman of Barclays, John McFarlane, will move into the executive role on Friday, and will have to tell regulators this week that the bank’s search for a new chief executive will be under way soon as part of his formal application to become temporary executive chairman.
However, finding the right person for this role will be hard because of Barclays’ challenges in sorting out its investment bank and meeting the forthcoming ring-fencing requirements that will need significant restructuring plans. Whoever eventually assumes the role will be a seasoned financial professional, with ample experience of knowing what they want and how to ask for it.
Sounds simple, but the reality is that few people ask for what they really want! Most merely ask for what they feel comfortable saying and it’s then up to the other person to read between the lines and guess what’s going on, how to solve the problem or fill the need. Not so, if you are a potential leader of one of the world’s leading banks!
Here are 5 Top Tips for becoming a better ‘asker’:-
1.Be specific
Be specific about WHAT you want and WHEN you want it.
In the workplace, the biggest reason for unmet expectations is a lack of understanding of what exactly was expected. Asking someone to do something “soon” can be interpreted in many ways.
For a request to hold any water, you need to specify not just “what” you’d like, but also the time frame in which you want it. That is, both a clear and unambiguous “what” and “when.”
For example, “Could you please get the monthly sales report to me by 2pm on Friday please?”
It’s unreasonable to expect to get what you want, if people aren’t clear about what that is!
2.Get an outside view
You have a limited perspective on what’s possible. What you think to ask for will be inhibited by what you view as possible or probable.
If you can’t imagine viable options to pursue, there are no opportunities to ask for help or support in making them a reality.
If you’re being held back by your own limited perspective of what you see as possible, or of how others will react to you, then seek out someone who can help you see things from another viewpoint, brainstorm options, and role play possible interactions.
3.“I shouldn’t need to ask…”
Many people think it’s demeaning to have to ask for certain things (i.e. a pay rise or promotion at work; help with workload or the kids at home) and cling to the belief that these things should be simply offered by the other person.
They further believe, “If you have to ask, then the response you get has no value.” People who hold these assumptions simply won’t ask for any of the critical things they need.
Generally speaking, if you don’t ask, then you don’t get!
If you don’t ask, the answer is already “No” – so go ahead and ask for it anyway.
4.Re-think “respect”
Believing that asking for what you want is “selfish” is a reasoning distortion often born of a lack of respect for yourself and others.
A lack of self-respect can make you feel unworthy or less important than others and cause you to lower your own needs and “not ask.”
What’s less obvious is that not being comfortable asking for what you want can also arise from a lack of respect for others. More specifically, not asking can occur when you don’t respect others enough to share your honest thoughts and desires with them, or don’t respect their ability to say “No” to you when they don’t want to, or stick up for themselves in the situation.
Rather than setting yourself up as the ultimate authority whose needs are the most important, or who can say what, try adopting the perspective that each person has the right to honestly and straightforwardly express their needs and desires and negotiate a fair solution.
5.Drop the hero act
Many people have a tendency to feel guilty about when they put their needs ahead of others.
However, when we get caught in the trap of trying to be all things to all people, we can quickly find ourselves falling short on all fronts, and winding up resentful, burnt out and not being the person we want to be for anyone, much less ourselves. Who’s that helping?
The more requests are being made of you the more you need to make of others.
Moving your own needs higher up your priority list is therefore not selfish, it’s smart. So forget the guilt-driven hero act. Your needs matter too!
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