We all encounter and must work with colleagues and external stakeholders whom we find ‘difficult’. In this article, I explore conflicts that arise from different ways of looking at the world. A second piece published on 7th November will consider situations where behaviour is toxic. The distinction matters.
Experiences, mostly in early life, leave us with a core set of values. These play out in how we see the world, in our work and personal relationships, and in how we act. Whilst not a material ‘thing’, values have a great bearing on who we are and how we behave.
We may not always see this, but differences in values often account for frustrating experiences in the workplace. Many ’diagnostics’ are used to examine how our values, traits and preferences operate at work. One of the most helpful, for both individuals and teams, is the Strengths Deployment Inventory, or SDI.
Three motives of people, performance and process
In the language of the SDI, we all have a blend of three ‘motives’, or core values: People, Performance and Process. Individuals whose dominant motive is Performance (Red) seek to accomplish tasks and achieve results; they like to set goals and take decisive actions.
Individuals motivated more by People (Blue) have a desire to help others; they are motivated by the protection, welfare and growth of other people. Process (Green) revolves around creating meaningful order and thinking things through; such individuals seek to be practical and fair.
Naturally, no one is fully Red, Blue or Green; some of us are in the ‘Hub’, where the three motives have similar prominence.
Our various motives reveal that we care about different things. Conflict emerges when a colleague or stakeholder acts in ways that (we feel) don’t take account of what matters deeply to us.
When it comes to ‘difficult’ people, we are likely facing a clash of core values.
When values conflict
Andrew (Red) wants to see the redundancies over and done with so everyone can go back to work. Joanne (Green) cares about due process and lowering risk: she believes Andrew is a cowboy, whilst he insists she is a petty bureaucrat.
Meanwhile, Charlotte (Blue) is distressed about how layoffs will affect everyone’s families. For her, Joanne’s red tape is why the company makes no money in the first place; Andrew is a fool for not seeing how sales targets cannot be met when people are unhappy.
Some disagreements at work are rooted simply in diverse rational opinions: for example, whether to place the company logo left or right; or how best to plan a client event. However, when it comes to ‘difficult’ people, we are likely facing a clash of core values: the situation ‘gets personal’.
Even when discussing a simple work question – such as when to begin layoffs – people may experience not mere disagreement, but a sense that what they cherish is being disregarded. Negative feelings – discomfort, frustration, anger – can quickly emerge leading to damaged relationships. Our colleagues become ‘difficult people’.
How to manage interpersonal conflict
The SDI diagnostic goes on to reveal how we respond to interpersonal conflict. We each experience a sequence of stages and, in our own way, strive to analyse the situation, assert a view, and/or accommodate others.
Based on our experience of working with individuals and teams, below are three of the best ways to reduce interpersonal conflict and, if issues do arise, lessen their consequences.
1. See positive intent
Whilst interpersonal conflict often feels like an assault on the self, recognise that individuals’ efforts to stay true to their values emerge from positive intent. Each of us has a desire to maintain our values, in the workplace and beyond.
Recognition of inevitable differences may be done in various ways. Learn what matters to colleagues by building meaningful relationships when the going is good. Stop, ask questions and listen with an open mind when temperatures rise.
2. Understand yourself
My focus on performance (Red) feels natural and right to me, the optimal way to navigate the world. But for colleagues with different motives, I am just another bull in the china shop of a business that pays scant regard to people (Blue) and acts with reckless abandon (Green).
Crucial, then, is to understand our own values and how these play out at work. Not least in our views and expectations of others. The question to ask is, ‘How will people who see the world differently experience what I am saying and doing?’ This reality check is a big step toward leadership strength.
The point of working in organisations is lost if we fail to capitalise on the diverse interests and views of people.
3. Harness team motives
Build on an understanding of positive intent and self-awareness to see how, when people come together as a team, different values may be productive. A blended approach has special merit in a complex and shifting world.
Relative to a firm that operates on lopsided values, a business that pursues:
- Ambitious outcomes (Red)
- By taking care of diverse colleagues’ needs (Blue)
- In a structured and fair manner (Green)…
…Will have a strong bottom line, enthusiastic and productive teams, and a robust hold on its future.
The key to achieving this is dialogue between individuals and teams. Such a chorus of voices will help the firm adapt as environmental conditions evolve.
Who is the ‘difficult’ one now?
Frankly, the point of working in organisations is lost if we fail to capitalise on the diverse interests and views of people. For many, however, strong motives blind us to the value of other methods, and to the individuals who stand for them.
Seeing how the motives of colleagues and stakeholders are valid stops us from being ‘difficult’ ourselves. It also equips us to evaluate others fairly and enables everyone to secure outcomes through relationships.
