Emma Ranson Bellamy opens Pandora’s box this week and in the process gets friendly with some negativity by feeling the fear.

Did you do the beliefs exercise that I set last week? If so I’d like to hear how you got on, do you feel like I used to i.e. Pandora’s box is best left unopened? If I have got this far dragging the negative belief around with me, I can go a bit further!

Coaching can facilitate a shedding of the ‘baggage’ or ‘beliefs’ that we carry around with us. The cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy can be halted, the situations that we find ourselves in again and again are probably a direct result of a set of beliefs. They are serving us in some sense, even if it’s just to make us learn a valuable lesson.

Non-directive coaching is all about finding the answers within yourself. Socrates saw himself as the ‘midwife’ to understanding. He believed that one could help people understand, but one could not make people understand – just as a midwife does not give birth to the child. As a coach I assist in making the connection with beliefs, actions and achievements and how they are linked. Or to put it another way to change the movie that is ‘the way we do the things’ to ‘the way’ which serves us better.

This is the first hurdle. Many people fear change. They feel secure by doing things in a certain way so they may turn their backs on new technology for example:

• I’ve always done things this way and it usually turns out OK




• If I change now I am ‘giving in’ to my critics which is a sign of weakness




• I am an expert at doing it like this, I am known for it, I will have to learn a new way if I change, and fall from a high position to the status of a novice.

When this happens within a loving community or family exceptions are made for these people, we give them the benefit of the doubt and work around them, all this is fine as long as everyone co-operates but in the long term this course of action is doomed. A time will come when the opportunities for the individual are limited.

We all have negative beliefs which are stopping us from moving forward in certain areas of our lives, unfortunately some of them, even though they are old, ugly and do not serve us prevent us from changing our ways. A bit like an old pair of slippers, they are old, they are smelly, they have holes in them and let the draught in but you haven’t got a new pair and if you did they may not be so comfy.

So where does this leave us, staring out over Pandora’s box. How can a coach unravel this deeply installed, interwoven belief system which is pulling us from behind like the tin cans on a car of newly weds?

I found this quote, “If a man cannot change his mind he cannot change anything” which is basically saying if you don’t change the way you think then nothing can be changed. So by looking at your goals, your dreams with dates on, and seeing where you want to be you will be able to see where you have to go and what may stop you along the way.

These hindrances will be your negative beliefs and depending on how much you want those dreams and want to achieve those goals will depend on how hard you will work on changing them.

There are a number of ways a coach can aid an over-turning of a negative belief. A powerful question is a way that can empower the client to realise the root and so see the solution. In her book, ‘Feel the fear and do it any way’ Susan Jeffers asks a wonderful and powerful question which sums up all of this: “If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear?” and the answer of course is … nothing!

Emma can be contacted at emmarb@blueyonder.co.uk

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