Setting up a boxing ring in the office may seem a good way to resolve employee in-fighting, but what’s the solution when a short sharp smack can’t resolve the dispute? Find out What Happened Next when HR Zone member Kirsa Edwards sought advice from the Any Answers forum about problematic staff squabbles. By Sarah Fletcher
Employee personality clashes
I'm looking for some advice on what to do in a situation where you can see both points of view. I have two members of staff that have a personality clash, one senior line manager and two members of staff that work for him. There have been some historical problems that we have tried to resolve issues over recent months but things came to a head yesterday where the line manager raised some further issues.
As a result the employee feels a failure despite trying very hard to improve. Both have approached me with their viewpoint from which I can see both sides, however, the employee has now decided she wants to resign and is not prepared to tolerate the situation any more. However, she will not let me speak to the manager about her concerns nor does she want me to inform him of her intent to resign.
I have suggested speaking to him on her behalf, I have suggested sitting everyone round a table to try and resolve the issues with an independent third party (me!) and every suggestion I make is rebuffed. However, I don't want to betray her confidence in me but I also feel the line manager should know how unhappy she is and equally the possible repercussions if she does resign.
Both are valuable employees to the organisation that make considerable input and I would not wish to see either leave, only some solution to getting them to work well together.
Any ideas please?
Kirsa Edwards
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What happened next?
I had further discussions with the employee to see if she would allow discussions with the line manager to take place. She wanted to consider her options. A few days later she resigned and handed resignation to her line manager’s boss, therefore cutting him out of the picture.
He advised he didn’t want to accept it and asked me again to try and resolve the issues – but whilst respecting the employee’s wishes and not letting on that she had been to see me.
Having spent the weekend worrying about how I could possibly tackle something without him knowing that something had been said, I found myself in an impossible situation and decided that the only way forward was to try to talk to the employee again and convince her that if she wanted the problem resolved I would have to disclose at least some of our conversation to him.
I have had many conversations with this individual to try to persuade her to let me talk to her line manager to get the matter resolved, and each time she would not allow me to take it further. At one point she agreed and just as I was going to talk to him she stopped me again from doing so. I advised that she came to me for help and I can’t advise or help her further if this line manager doesn’t know what the concerns are.
Upon discussion with the more senior member of management who does know of the issues, it was agreed that a lot of the issues could be resolved if the individuals concerned were not all cramped into the same office, let alone the health and safety benefits to be considered. It was agreed that I would talk to the line manager about arranging for him to have his own office space, which is much needed. He has agreed to investigate this.
I am still very worried about the employee who has resigned; her resignation is on hold and she wants the office move to take place as soon as possible as she feels she will be able to cope better. However, she is still quite emotional and I’m worried that it wouldn’t take much for it to all blow up again.
Which sources of information did you find the most useful?
I would have preferred a little more advice from people who had experienced similar problems with interpersonal relationships and how they resolved them. It’s all very well having formal procedures in place but if an employee doesn’t want to go down that route how can the issues be resolved.
It’s difficult being in HR when you know there is something you could do to make a difference yet in respecting an employee’s confidentiality and wishes you aren’t able to do so.
Read more about how HR can deal with conflict in the workplace.
5 Responses
How about professional mediation?
We developed and implemented a mediation service in our organisation to deal with issues exactly like this one. We have a team of qualified mediators who are independent from the particular service and the grieved individuals. The work with the individuals concerned first and then bring them together once they feel able to do so. We have had tremendous success from this initiative.
If you have exhausted all internal attempts, I suggest you contact an independent qualified mediator to help work this out. The costs of this will be justified if the employees are as valuable as you say.
mediation
This seems to be happening more & more – or we are hearing of more & more instances.
Does a time come when it would be better to bring in outside advice? at least this then removes the fear that many people have that anything they say might prejudice further action they might feel like taking.
Certainly we are finding that, by talking to an uninvolved third party, the majority of cases have been resolved to the best interest of all and that many individuals have moved onto a more rewarding job.
Suggestion of way to resolve the issue
Hi Kirsa
Sorry to read this so late in the day. I’m currently facilitating a very similar issue to you for a client, so thought I would share with you how I’m resolving it, and hope this will still be useful for you at this late stage.
There are historical issues within the team I’m working with that have not been resolved, but swept under the carpet, involving the line manager. There are also issues between individual team members that are indirectly affecting the rest of the team.
A formal letter of complaint from an employee within the team has been received by the employer, not to pursue any formal complaint against an individual, but to bring about a change in the team’s behaviours. Mediation has been offered between individuals, but agreement for this has not been reached between the parties.
Following interviews with several team members I have recommended an indepth team development to avoid any formal investigation by the employer.
The purpose of this team development is to bring to the surface the emotions and unhelpful behaviours that are being experienced in the team, and to provide the team with attitudinal development and skills to move forward from this. The overall objective is for the team to become self-managing of behaviours and attitudes, and to foster an environment of open and honest feedback – to create a new positive team climate.
By working with this at a team level, the process will bring up the personal issues that need resolving between individuals, but within the context of how they want to be as a team, and by sharing with them how to move on from where they are now.
The line manager and his manager from the senior team are to be involved in the process too. Managers these days are expected to be experts in understanding and managing their own emotions and those of others. There are ways to develop these skills and attitudes effectively through emotional intelligence development, and it doesn’t just have to be at management level either. EI-based team developments are highly effective too.
Kirsa, if you would like to chat further about what’s involved to make this kind of development successful, of course please do contact me.
Best wishes
Amanda
Personality conflict
I can’t believe people are attempting to help reach a resolution here without the real detail of what is or is not happening!!
We know nothing of what it is that is upsetting the employee, nor do we know anything of what is causing the manager to be part of a so-called ‘personality dispute’.
As in any such situation, as much detail of the problem has to be found before attempting a ‘fix’.
And I also cannot believe the number of people who expect to achieve real results in such situations, by sitting everyone around a table in the first instance. So far as I am concerned, if people do not wish to be helped, then any solution you arrive at with them remaining in such a frame of mind, will likely be short term. If people wish to be helped, they have to understand they have a part to play. If you get agreement to set up such a meeting, then fine, although I always believe it is the manager’s job to run their team in such a way as to prevent or resolve such issues. He has to deal to the matter. Getting others to help do the job sends all the wrong signals about the ability of the manager, and their respect is lessened accordingly.
Cheeres.
Conflict
I wish I had a pound for every time I’d come across a situation like this. I doubt this employee really wants to leave – if she did she’d have done it by now, despite that it feels to me like there’s a frustration of not being heard (from her perspective)by the right person. The important point to me seems to be its the individuals themselves who need to hear each other – no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to represent their perspective and will always put your own spin on it. In cases like this I usually recommend mediation by a truly independent third party – the advantage is both parties are more likely to fully engage with someone they don’t know and who has absolutely no connection with the company. As a trained mediator I know this approach works. Okay, it might cost the company a few hundred quid but I’d be willing to bet the cost would be significantly less than loosing an employee (and any subsequent tribunal case for contructive dismissal!), recruiting, training and inducting a new employee. Get the parties to talk to EACH OTHER – what’ve you got to loose?