If you’ve been reading about Donald Trump’s recent exchange with Fox News presidential debate moderator, Megyn Kelly, where she pressed Trump about misogynistic, sexist comments he made in the past, such as calling some women “fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals.” Trump slammed her, saying her questions were “ridiculous” and “off-base.” Needless to say, Trump is now facing a barrage of criticism for his comments. It will be interesting to see how Trumps’ Presidential campaign pans out as a result of this! Take a look at Trump-Kelly in action: http://insider.foxnews.com/2015/08/06/video-megyn-kelly-challenges-donald-trump-derogatory-comments-women

Political campaigns aside, if we look at critical conversations in the workplace overall, these tend to be defined by three factors:-

–        Opinions differ

–        Stakes are high

–        Emotions are high

Handled well, they create breakthroughs.  If not, they can lead to breakdowns.

The reality is many people do not deal with them well, or at all.

Critical conversations can help make decisions stick, work relationships grow and teams operate better.

Here are 5 Top Tips for handling your emotions during critical conversations, especially when someone is pushing your hot buttons!

1.Take a break

Taking a break gives you time to collect your thoughts and physically slow down the conversation until you feel confident that your responses will be professional and productive,

Often as little as five minutes can allow you time to focus on the content of the discussion and not to take comments personally or say something that you’ll  later regret.

If taking a break isn’t feasible, focus on your breathing and pause for five seconds to silence the conversation for a bit and relax your body.

2.Ask for support

If the conversation is going downhill and you’re about to lose your cool, ask for outside help from somebody in human resources, a  professional mediator, your manager or even a peer.

Another great source for help is the support of the group itself. If someone is losing his cool, and you’re ready to do the same, first state the facts and then ask whether the rest of the group agrees.

Doing so stops the behaviour temporarily, gives you time to regain your composure, and takes you off the hook of having to control the conversation by yourself.

3.Keep perspective

If you are getting caught up in the moment, it can be helpful to take a step back and keep the problem in perspective.

First, make sure that you are putting the real problem ahead of personal style, politics and individual interests.

Second, visualise the bigger picture and goal. If you visualise how life and work will be better once the conversation is successful and behaviours change, it’s easier to remember and focus on why the conversation started in the first place.

4.Know when to walk away

When your own emotions are ready to boil over, sometimes it’s best to walk away from the situation, especially if it seems like there are no agreements to be made.

But before you do this, offer a solution even if the solution doesn’t involve you.

Let the other party know that you’ve proposed a number of ways to come to an agreement over how to work together/get better results, and that she is free to work with your supervisor, human resources, or another trusted leader in the organisation to arrive at a solution.

5.Don’t get caught up

If the conversation really is going south, recognise that progress on decisions and changes in behaviour won’t happen until the immediate emotional situation us directly dealt with.

Name the feeling that you think is happening and then ask if the other individual is willing to address the emotional situation first and then get back to the main message in the conversation.

Letting the other person lead the conversation is another way of examining what is happening.

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