I lost count a long time ago of the number of people who ask me the question ‘surely you’re born with self confidence?’
They’re convinced that some people are just lucky because they’re ‘born’ with confidence. This just isn’t true.
This is one of the best confidence tips you’ll hear. The first thing to accept about building confidence is that at birth we are all born on a level playing field. We all start together at the same point on the path to self confidence.
If you continue to think you’re at a disadvantage to confident people because you weren’t born confident, then the playing field that used to be level will turn into a steeper and steeper upward climb. So, it’s important to come to terms with this and believe it. People with self confidence aren’t born confident.
Confidence is an attitude, a state of mind, that develops. It might be worth taking a few seconds to mull this over. Some people accept it but don’t really believe it. If you don’t believe it, it will become a convenient excuse. It then becomes a heavy burden that hinders you whenever you find yourself outside your comfort zone.
Now think of confidence as a skill that relates to your attitude and your state of mind. It isn’t something concrete or something of substance that you can touch or put your finger on, but it is tangible.
Building self-esteem
Controlling your state of mind, thinking positively and feeling that you can change for the better is one of the first steps on the road to increased self confidence. Simple things like learning how to use your body language effectively can really help to build your self confidence.
Remember you can acquire self confidence at any stage in your life. You can learn how to feel and look more confident as you grow and mature. Everyone can do this. We all have the opportunity to build our self confidence as our lives move on. The key is to treat confidence as a skill. You really CAN learn how to become more confident.
Think back to other skills you have learnt as your life has moved on, for example reading, writing, riding a bike, or driving a car and treat confidence in the same way. Building confidence is intrinsically linked to building self-esteem. Low self-esteem comes from a poor image of yourself. Your self image is based on how you see yourself.
Do you think you are a good, reliable, hardworking, honest or friendly person? Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror or do you believe others look better and dress better than you? Low self-esteem feeds your negative thinking and causes you to believe the criticism others make of you.
Do you take what others say and not speak up? This can cause you to lose confidence so it is vital to end negative thoughts if you want to build your self-esteem. We all lack confidence on occasions – even ‘confident’ people.
You might find this blog advice useful as an individual or perhaps you’re an HR or L & D Manager reading this. Hopefully you’ll find it of use to pass on to your staff – it really can make a huge difference to a person’s mindset and ultimately, performance.
Mike McClement, founder and director of Training Hand’s Think Confidence.
2 Responses
confidence
Hi Sarah
Thanks for your thoughts. it’s amazing how many ‘confident’ people I meet who say exactly the same as you! They look supremely confident and no one has a clue as to how hard they are trying to banish the demons inside ….
Best regards
Mike
Confidence
— Sarah Matthews SFM Consulting http://www.sfmconsulting.co.uk
Mike
Super blog. Curiously I was talking about this with friends last night. They see me as bubbling over with confidence, enthusiasm, get up and go and have always been like that. They were shocked to learn that I struggled with low self esteem and lack of confidence for many years. At some point I learned to cover it up quite well – the bubbly exterior was covering up an interior filled with self-doubt.
I now know how to believe in myself, my ability, understand my short-comings and weaknesses and what I can do to improve them or just accept they’re part of me so most of the time I’m not doubting myself.
Sarah