To get what you want or need, you have to be willing to ask for it.

Sounds simple, but the reality is that few people ask for what they really want. In the worst case scenario, strikes can happen when ‘askers’ feel their needs aren’t being heard or understood, much like the London Underground workers who have voted to strike in a dispute over the new all-night Tube service. Members of the RMT and TSSA unions have backed industrial action following a similar vote by drivers. Whilst talks are in progress to try and stop the strike, the unions are in dispute with London Underground over pay and conditions for the new all-night Tube, which is due to start at weekends from mid-September.

Whilst striking is an extreme action employees would hope not to take,  the issues they are highlighting in their industrial action are common ones people faced by people in other business sectors, perhaps even you. However, some of the other things people want to ask for at work, include more training and development, greater responsibility, more opportunities to achieve personal goals, and praise and recognition. Whatever it is, most people ask for what they feel comfortable saying and it’s then up to the other person to read between the lines and guess what’s going on, how to solve the problem, or fill the need.

With this in mind, here are 5 tips for becoming a better ‘asker’.

1.Be specific

Be specific about WHAT you want and WHEN you want it.

In the workplace, the biggest reason for unmet expectations is a lack of understanding of exactly what is expected.

Asking someone to do something ‘soon’ can be interpreted in many ways.

For a request to hold any water you need to specify not just what you want, but also the time frame in which you want it. That is, both a clear and unambiguous ‘what’ and ‘when’.

For example, “Could you please get the monthly sales report to me by 2pm on Friday.”

It’s unreasonable to expect to get what you want if you aren’t clear what that is!

2.Be bold

The reality is you’ll rarely, if ever, be given more than what you have the courage to ask for.

Don’t dilute your requests in order to minimise the possibility of being turned down. Think about what your ideal outcome would be and then confidently and courageously, ask for it!

Not in an entitled way. Not in an aggressive way. But in a way that conveys you know your worth.

While you may not always get what you want – you’ll nearly always end up with more than you would have received otherwise, had you not been bold in your request.

3.Stop hoping for ‘mind readers’

If you believe ‘You shouldn’t have to ask’ or if your requests are indirect and overly subtle, then realise that what you’re doing is putting your future in the hands of ‘mind readers.’

You’re acting as if those around you can figure out what you want and then supply an appropriate response. By taking such an approach, you surrender your ability to control your own destiny – and significantly lessen your chance of getting what you really want.

4.Re-think respect

Believing that asking for what you want is ‘selfish’ is a reasoning distortion often born of a lack of respect for yourself and others.

A lack of self-respect can make you feel unworthy or less important than others and cause you to lower your own needs and ‘not ask’.

What’s less obvious is that not being comfortable asking for what you want can also arise from a lack of respect for others.

More specifically, not asking can occur when you don’t respect others enough to share your honest thoughts and desires with them, or you don’t respect their ability to say ‘No’ to  you when they want to, or stick up for themselves in the situation.

5.Move on from the ‘No’

Let’s face it, you won’t always get what you ask for.  Your boss won’t always give you the promotion you’d like and your colleagues may not always agree to help you catch up on that backlog.

When people say ‘No’ don’t treat it as a personal rejection. Accept it graciously – and move on.

At least now you know where things stand and you can plan accordingly.

Asking for less that you really want – from yourself, from others, and from life – doesn’t serve anyone. Try asking for what you really want. Who knows – you might just get it!

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