Last Wednesday was National Kissing Day, a time to celebrate romance and love; Quentin Colborn reflects on relations between men and women at work and wonders just how far our political correctness should go.

Recently I was asked to do a presentation on the rules of engagement between men and women at work. The audience consisted of a group of entrepreneurs led by a member who was nervous about his own conduct and unsure whether his actions were inadvertently causing offence.

Discrimination rules governing sexual harassment are very clear and I’m sure they don’t need any further explanation. But a balance should be struck and what about the interactions of everyday life. Are they being squeezed out by political correctness and should we be challenging some of these so call norms?

There are a few good examples:

• Should a man hold a door open for a woman to walk through?




• Is it acceptable to buy a woman a drink at a social function?

How do we deal with these situations without offending?

The answers to questions like these lies in standing back and seeing the relationships between men and women in an overall context. Men and women have been attracted to each other since the start of time. The need and desire to reproduce is of course the basic reason and there’s nothing wrong with that! Where the difficulties arise is when the attraction is not reciprocated and/or not welcomed whatsoever. So what is acceptable behaviour and what is unacceptable?

A lot of unacceptable behaviour is common sense – touching, lewd comments and the like are clearly inappropriate. But what about the more traditional behaviours, and what part does culture play?

Based in Bristol, I’m used to being referred to as ‘darling’, not just by my wife, but by shop assistants.

In the South West this is a pretty acceptable form of address, but what would happen if I used this language within a City based professional firm?
I don’t think I would get away with it – nor should I!

In regards to the question of whether to open doors or not, I believe that the general consensus is that we should treat all colleagues with courtesy and respect, and opening a door is something that we should do regardless of gender.

Similarly offering a seat to a female colleague but not a male colleague is something that is best regarded as some thing from years gone by. But what do you think? Is this political correctness gone too far?

We mustn’t forget when discussing relationships that much communication is about more than words. It’s about the looks we give and the nuances applied to what we say. For example a man complimenting a woman by smiling and commenting on a nice dress is okay, but saying ‘nice dress’ along with a big wink is definitely not. It’s the little things that make the difference to communications being acceptable.

There are also implications with regard to ‘locker-room’ conversations. In these situations men may discuss women but not necessarily in a way that they would care to repeat externally.

A recent tribunal case involved e-mails within a London legal firm where male employees made fairly explicit comments about the type of female secretary they wished to see recruited. Like the recent ketchup on the trousers e-mail, this was another communication that got out further than intended but belied the thoughts sitting within certain parts of the organisation. It all reminds me that behaviour in the workplace tends to come to the surface when we least expect it.

Share your thoughts on what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour between men and women in the workplace.

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