When we think of work, our minds often turn to vision and strategy, goals and performance, processes and systems. But for most of us the work environment is, before all, a community of human relationships. People and relationships at work are more intractable than goals and processes, not least because the social world is complex and hard to predict. Bureaucracy, whilst complicated, is mostly simple and knowable.
How to wreck relationships at work
Allow people a few days and most can grasp a new process. But many of us harm workplace relationships through lack of skills, by not paying attention or because we feel that connections are not worth the effort.
Below are five ways we damage professional relationships and, in doing so, hinder collaboration and make work less healthy for ourselves and others.
Few people respect those who are too weak to secure commitment via relationships.
1. Pull rank
As a manager, it is your job to clarify direction, offer guidance and make decisions. But such duties are best done through influence, where people willingly follow because you know what you are doing and act with their interests in mind.
To pull rank is to press ahead with an agenda when your power lies only in the authority of your role or position. Few people respect those who are too weak to secure commitment via relationships, knowledge and competence. Here, colleagues may do as they are told, yet will long harbour resentment.
2. Naysay every idea
The typical workplace is abuzz with new ideas and plans. Many may seem dangerous, terrible or just pointless. Indeed, any half-sensible person should ask questions, challenge thinking and avoid jumping on the latest political or tech bandwagons.
Still, negativity drains everyone’s energy, not least your own, and colleagues will avoid you if you come across as a sourpuss. Pessimism makes hard work harder, as does the stagnation that this encourages. To say no is acceptable when you have a better solution to a given problem.
3. Indulge in gossip
Whilst informal conversation can be the lifeblood of an organisation, gossip – often sensational comments about others that may be unkind or not true – is bad for everyone. Sooner or later, the person in question will hear what you say, for your chatter quickly becomes the gossip of others.
Gossip undermines your credibility: the unspoken message is ‘I am desperate to win friends, even at the cost of others’. People may laugh and join in, but ultimately they know that if you gossip about someone else, one day you will gossip about them.
4. Break promises
Each day you make promises at work. By walking into the building, or switching on the video, you commit to hitting the objectives set out in your job description: increase sales, build software, manage accounts, support teams.
But you also give your word in more personal ways: to follow up on conversations, to send emails, to share a problem, to ‘get back to’ someone. To neglect formal or informal obligations is a failure of integrity that harms trust and drives a wedge between you and the people you work with.
5. Fall prey to hypocrisy
People warm to those with an optimistic view of the future and a vision for how to get there. In today’s world, this is often less about practice – processes and systems – and more about behaviour and interpersonal relations.
One way to harm relationships at work is to fall short of the standards you espouse or expect others to meet. Hypocrisy goes deeper than a broken promise to raise fundamental questions of moral character.
Four commitments help you protect, and even build, trustful relationships at work.
How to protect relationships at work and build trust
One path to better interactions is, of course, to avoid these five behaviours. More broadly, however, four commitments help you protect, and even build, trustful relationships at work.
First, take time to understand the needs of others. This includes the support they require to achieve their goals and what it takes for them to feel they belong within the workplace. Everyone plays a role in making people welcome.
Second, consider how others might experience your own words, actions and behaviours. Be alert to signals – body language, responses (or lack thereof) and words – of discomfort or unease. Do more of what makes people comfortable.
Third, take what you learn of others’ needs and experiences and reflect on the ways you interact with people. Consider what you might do differently to strengthen connections and trust.
Fourth, be aware that we form better relationships when at ease with ourselves. Whilst you have to fit in with the community, summon the courage to stand for your own connection needs.
In closing
It is all too easy to sabotage relationships at work. But such connections matter if you aim to be happy and achieve desirable results in your job. Invest in awareness, invest in learning and invest in yourself.
