Why are there more transgender people now? What is your real name? What toilets do you use? Have you had a sex change operation? Are you gay? What did your family think? When did you know?
These are the questions people ask me all of the time under the guise of trying to understand who I am but that isn’t the same as accepting or supporting me. Can you imagine a cisgender person (a term used to describe a person whose gender identity corresponds to their sex assigned at birth) being asked equally intimate/intrusive questions?
Don’t ask us questions about our gender pre-transition. It can trigger dysphoria
Building inclusion into the workplace culture
People in the trans communities may well have suffered years of imposter syndrome, anxiety, dysphoria, microaggressions, bullying and being excluded so making them feel included for their talents, rich diversity and experience is vital in this day and age.
Most of us know that using the right pronouns and language and not misgendering someone is an important part of inclusion and whilst I personally welcome curiosity and openness, it is important to consider what questions should and should not be asked of people in the trans community.
Examples of what not to ask
- Don’t ask us questions about our gender pre-transition. It can trigger dysphoria
- Don’t ask about our medical transition and what operations we have or have not had, nor what medications we may or may not be taking
- Don’t ask about our genitalia pre and post-transition. It’s creepy
Examples of what it’s good to ask
- What pronouns do you use?
- Would you like what you have just shared with me to remain confidential?
- How can I best support you?
Pointers to help understand trans people better
- Our ‘real’ gender is not the gender we were thought to be when we were born, but who we identify as
- Transgender men are men, not masculine women and transgender women are women, not feminine men
- Being transgender is not new or a phase. People whose gender does not match their bodies at birth have been documented across many cultures for thousands of years. The difference today is that some transgender people feel increasingly safe to be open about who they are and have the option of not having to live with secrecy, imposter syndrome and shame
- Transgender people are gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight, asexual, pansexual, and every other sexual orientation
- A gay transgender man was assumed to be female when he was born and is attracted to other men. A straight transgender woman was considered to be male when she was born and is attracted to men
- We all perform basic bodily functions in a bathroom. Still, bathrooms are often a place where transgender people can feel unsafe or uncomfortable which is why single-user or gender-neutral bathrooms are often ideal
- Gender roles and expectations are a social construct, gender identity is not, it is innate
Thinking before speaking and considering how your comments might make the other person feel is basic common decency,
Want to be more inclusive? Ask yourself these questions
- Am I making assumptions about someone’s gender?
- Even if I am curious, is it my business and how are my questions going to make that person feel?
- Am I making the other person feel comfortable in the conversation?
- How can I make this person feel included at work and socially?
- Don’t share confidential information or out someone
- Using the right pronouns is non-negotiable
Thinking before speaking and considering how your comments might make the other person feel is basic common decency, but not everyone is equipped with the information or even vocabulary to do this sensitively, so these pointers will help you better communicate with transgender people and ultimately build a more inclusive workplace for everyone.