I was walking through a market square recently in a small rural town. A crowd of people had gathered. They were listening to a man speaking. I stopped. I couldn't help it. This person had what I would describe as serious charisma.

When I looked at my watch, I realised I'd spent 20 minutes listening to him. Trouble was, I didn't understand a word he said! He was speaking Italian. I can't speak Italian. I was so engaged, totally encapsulated. I just listened anyway.

But why did I listen? To answer this, it helps to try to work out what made him stand out. Crack this and you can start to copy it.

When we think of charisma, these kind of words tend to spring to mind; appealing, alluring, hypnotic, larger than life, magnetic, mesmerizing, poised.

When I ask those I coach to sum up charisma, the descriptions people use most are ‘personal magnetism’ and ‘charming’. For me, this sums it up nicely; but still, even these words don’t explain what it actually is that makes some people stand out.

I've tried to think of people who seem charismatic to me; Hillary Clinton, Margaret Thatcher, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Meryl Streep, Diane Keaton, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, George Clooney. Do you agree with me? Or is it that certain people can seem charismatic to one person and not to another? Or do charismatic people have traits in common?

I think so.

For me they have 3 key traits.

'Presence’ – I think you can derive just from the word what I mean by it. Presence is being in the present moment. A charismatic person is a person who is at all times locked on to what the people they're talking to are doing or saying. Charismatic people have a way of making sure they don’t get distracted. So if you're a person who tends to get distracted by noises, people, things going on around you, you’ll struggle to be seen as charismatic.

So how do you deal with it? First, just be aware that you’re vulnerable to getting distracted. Then try thinking about your breathing when you’re listening to the person talking. Be very conscious of your breathing happening. You increase your alertness if you think about the little things that are going on in right now. Another thing to do – it sounds a bit mad – but you could try twiddling your toes. If you do something like that, you bring yourself back straightaway to the present moment.

'Authority' – Charismatic people communicate authority through their body language. When a charismatic person walks into a room you notice them because they are doing something with their body language. They must be; they haven’t started talking yet!

So what are they doing? They’re definitely not rushing. It would be very unusual for you to describe a charismatic person as someone who rushes around. So, to be charismatic you need to be calm and measured. If you are aware yourself that you rush around doing things quickly, be conscious of calming down. Rushing will not help you to communicate charisma.

You’ll need to prepare yourself for this before you get in the room because it means behaving a bit differently to the way you normally do. So you walk calmly into the room. Your shoulders need to be back. You may need to work on this because sometimes when you’re in a big group of people or whenever you feel under pressure, your shoulders can drop. You need to show authority through using up more space.

If you push your shoulders back, your chin comes up and you start to do that. You take up more space and your body language communicates that you’re comfortable, you’re OK with the situation, you don’t feel under pressure (even though you might feel it!). People detect these positive messages in your body language. When you introduce yourself, it’s important you do it well. You’ll find some great tips on how to introduce yourself charismatically in my blog.

'Sincerity' – A person who has charisma doesn't just talk, talk, talk. They listen as well. To come across with sincerity, yes of course you need to be credible in what your message is when you're speaking but you also need to be listening. People know you’re listening when you're in a conversation if you respond to what they're saying. You don’t immediately start talking about what you want to talk about which actually has nothing to do with what the person has been talking about.

Sincerity can also be communicated through your facial expressions. Smiling also helps to communicate the fact that you’re listening. You’re responding in a non-verbal, physical way to what the person is saying.

Some additional tips to help with charisma –

People with charisma tend to project calmness, self-confidence, assertiveness, honesty, authenticity, enthusiasm and, almost always, they have excellent communication skills. These traits are supported by positive body language transmitted through their posture, facial expressions, eye contact and hand movements. Using positive body language, communicating clearly and confidently and being passionate about their views helps them to command a presence. This draws people to them and makes them want to listen.

So what else can you do to be charismatic?

• Be genuine and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. People will respect you for it.
• Think before you speak. Silence is fine when you have nothing worthwhile to say.
• Treat people with respect and make time to listen to their point of view.
• Remember names and use them.
• Don't rush. Move in a calm and measured way.
• Show energy and enthusiasm, even when you’re not actually interested or you’re tired.
• Be positive, even when the chips are down.
• Prepare properly; visualise yourself being impressive. Psyche yourself up before you next need to display charisma.

Top tip – The next time you see someone with ‘charisma’, stop and think for a moment. Watch the person and try to get to the bottom of what they are doing. Then copy them!

Fact – Very few ‘charismatic’ people are naturally charismatic. They have to try. The vast majority are just very good actors. They know how to play the part. They've also worked out how to feel and look confident.