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Humour: Confessions of a suspicious sickie


Caught drunken, disorderly and in possession of a fast food uniform, our members reveal their horror stories about when sickies go wrong. Their cautionary tales could just make you ill…

Wine, women and … burgers
"This is why I've never pulled a sickie in my life after the first!

"I was working for a nameless burger chain when I was 16 and at the last minute before my shift I was invited to a party instead. The lure of wine, women and song proved too much for me and I phoned in sick and went to the party.

"Unfortunately for me, my employer needed my national insurance number to pay me properly and they phoned my home to get the number. And more unfortunately for me I'd only told my mum and my brother where I was. So when they got through to my dad and asked if they could speak to me he said "Oh no, sorry he's at a party in Reading."

"I found out the next morning before my Sunday shift was due to start and I spent several hours in total dread of the repercussions. I went in to work, where once my manager had finished laughing at me, he explained that as I'd had the courage to turn in rather than just quit without notice they'd take no further action. Lucky for me!

"So I've not pulled a sickie since because I can still remember the terror I felt when I thought I'd be in serious trouble for it."
Nik Kellingley

Bubonic plague, but only on a Monday
"I thought everybody knew – it's physically impossible to catch, or suffer from, bubonic plague on Tue, Wed or Thurs – you can only get it on a Fri or a Mon – unless you are on shift, at which point the known laws of the Universe change…"

Martin Schmalenbach

Swigging and swaying
"I haven't pulled a sickie but i was once sent home by my boss for turning up to work at 9am still drunk because i had left a party at 8am and walked straight to work!

“Luckily my boss was quite young and appreciated the situation and let me off!"
Rob Smith

The shortest 24 hour flu ever
"The best excuse I heard was when a member of staff phoned in saying they had 24 hour flu. Miraculously they had recovered by the following morning."

Wayne Mullen

Do you have any stories to turn us green? Post your comments below.

One Response

  1. Firing Both Ends!
    My rather lovely & charming husband phoned in sick once (we were very young – just out of Uni!) after an all night party / poker session with some buddies – most of whom were passed out around him & in a VERY slurred voice told his boss “I can’t come to work I am firing both ends”

    A charming euphamism for D&V apparently!!

    Not very convincing either as at the time he lived about 100 yards from his place of work and most of his colleagues had walked past his house and heard the stereo still blasting our of the windows on their way to work!

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